Day 65

June 12th

Time for the honest truth: I am not seeing the results that by all rights I should be seeing by now. A little over 9 weeks is plenty of time to witness a change. I am eating healthy almost all the time so it must be simply that I need to work out harder. WORKOUT LIKE A BEAST TO LOOK LIKE A BEAUTY!!!

Let’s talk about beauty for a minute. To clarify, beauty =/= skinny. Being beautiful has nothing to do with being super skinny and I think curvy is so sexy. I want to be TONED, not skinny; FIT, not bony; HEALTHY, not starved; MOTIVATED, not obsessed. I want to live a healthy lifestyle and make my body work for me. I want to be able to run 5ks, 10ks- heck maybe a marathon one day (okay, half marathon), and I want to be strong. I do NOT want to be so focused on calories and fitness that I can’t enjoy life. When I travel, I plan to eat local foods. If my husband wants to cuddle and talk about the day, I will gladly sacrifice a workout for that bonding time with him. I do not want weight or dress size to be my motivation, but what I DO want is to be healthy, energized, happy, and toned. Fat isn’t healthy. Flabby isn’t healthy. Junk food sure as heck ain’t healthy. (look, I said “aint”). I want confidence- confidence in who I am and what I am capable of.
Tonight I did a Zumba class. It hurt, but I made it. About an hour ago I got a craving and ate a handful of lightly salted mixed nuts. Is eating nuts late at night a healthy habit? Probably not, but there are worse things to snack on and one slightly unhealthy choice is not the end of the world.
I will work out harder.  I will sweat more and make excuses less.  It is bikini season and I am going to rock it.- not because I will be skinny (my naturally wide hips make sure that’s never true) but because I will have a healthy body that no one can fault.  Skinny is not the goal here, but fitness is the goal– one that comes at a price. So I will work out harder. I will sweat more. AND IT WILL BE A STRUGGLE. All good things are worth fighting for.

What is beauty to you? Will you fight for it?

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